WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE?

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“Why are you still single?” this is a question that many of us face in various forms. And to that, I say why not? Being single gets a bad rap, but it shouldn’t. You’re single, you are one, you are whole, you are enough.

Society keeps trying to force people that are still trying to figure out their own lives, own voice, own path, together into a marriage, making it twice as hard for the people involved to know what they want because there is someone else involved now. We’re stuck looking out of ourselves for love, companionship, and completion. We’re stuck searching for our missing parts in someone else, hoping that they would fit perfectly into the void that we feel, and that’s not healthy. Have relationships, have fun, but don’t ever stop loving yourself, knowing yourself, finding yourself out, continuing being a whole person.

Think about it for a second, the importance placed on having or being in a relationship in this society is quite chronic. Why do you want to be in a relationship? What do you want from a relationship? Why is it so important that you get a partner?

Society has taken it upon themselves, that once a woman passes a certain age, they sound the town crier alarm reminding her of her unmarried status, assailing her with questions, comparing her with friends, cousins, sisters. It would be comical if it wasn’t so intrusive and hurtful.

Men are given a few more years more than the woman to get their acts together before they also have to start dancing around the marriage questions. Why is it okay for the man to take his time to decide to get married, and that same courtesy is not extended to the woman? If both parties in a relationship or marriage are not fully baked, whole individuals, it would definitely put a strain on the relationship. Relationships require a certain level of self-awareness to ensure it is sustained.

Love cannot survive where there are two children in the relationship. One of the things in life that quickly matures one is love or being in a relationship. There is just a certain level of maturity that is needed there that you might not have been required to display before and all of a sudden it is being called upon.

Most of the time, it is the man in the relationship that carries the burden of maturity, this is probably why women are encouraged to marry while still relatively young and preferably to older men. As the man will shoulder more responsibilities, he is allowed to take a longer time to steady himself before getting married.

But we know that sometimes, both parties in a relationship can be guilty of immaturity irrespective of their age and make a mess of a good thing. I know that the journey of self-discovery continues till we draw our last, however, you should have discovered some things about yourself before deciding to camp with someone.

As much as love is beautiful, do not get lost in the whirlwind of another’s life. You are your own sun, your moon, your storm. Love and relationships are intense, and most likely if you have not found yourself before you get in, you might be too busy keeping the relationship to find out who you are and what you want.

Remember, love is a child, and it takes two adults on the same page, to care for it.

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